I have this other blog; I said 'it's mine, just mine, an interior circle, no readers. you are sort of a presence there but because you have never been authoritarian you're not an intrusive presence. mostly I am speaking to myself'.

and that fucked it, really, now just speaking to her 'you'. for now. but it was made for that too, that preparation for speaking. 'yes, I can tell you. I wrote about it so I would be able to talk about it.' I suppose that first statement was a confusion of reader and addressee.

it's really arid, like a mirror box, reminiscent of a lake and dry as dry as dry. it repeats and repeats in rehearsal. I, you, I, you. it will go on like this.

there's that obfuscation: 'I'm not really talking to you' but I'm devoted to you. mirror ghost.

but after all the rehearsals the conversation was rich and free. we were somewhere else, somewhere tolerable and temperate, flinging open all the windows.