striped mosquitoes down by the lake, biting in the daytime. there's a dengue cluster over the highway; not good. I'm taking photos of the torsoes dangling and twisting in and out of the Benjamin's Fig, trying not to get bitten.

this afternoon there was a welcome dinner in the rooftop garden. cool enough for once. people were offering me their condolences, softly patting my hand or serving my dinner for me, saying 'I heard'. so strange when nothing's happened; a couple of twists of misfortune in the workplace which will sort themselves out or not. othertimes things are unbearable on every front and you're alone. now I feel lively, okay regardless, turning away from uneasiness that it could all work out for the worst.

CN's face is unreadable in the trouble. Is he blaming me? Or himself? Or just shut down and trying to sort it out? I feel that things are just happening the way they have to happen, that little can be controlled.