I can't think what I saw today, so I must have seen things I don't recognise. the secretary leaning her hips back against the wall, relaxed and smiling in her brown bob, giving good holiday wishes. N's face a little the wrong colour and with slick hairline when he brought out the dinner, as though he is getting sick too. a photo of patea beach, close to where my sister and mother and aunt are now, ready for when my grandma leaves us. the beach is silvery brown and held together with cutty grass. cliffs layer into the distance and in the foreground there are low silver log fences, to stop people driving through. but it looks deserted.

at the home my grandma is asleep in a fold-out chair. my mother is asleep in my grandma's bed. my aunt is watching them both. time is liquid.