I dreamed last night that N came to me and told me he had forgiven me. the feeling of relief and partnership was utter, and we held each other, like a completion of our marriage. Immediately I found myself in bed with C, who was saying 'I knew we should be together, we were married, you are the only woman I ever married'. I was agreeing with him, feeling that yes, this was the right place to be, and trying to say the same thing but vaguely remembering that it wasn't quite right after all. Then I remembered I had married four men, that I was not available, and so on. I don't remember all of what happened next but I had to put things right; and then there was a room at the end of the dream, and a small strawberry-haired girl of about four years old inside it.