I'm going to stay with Bill who lives next to my old flat. Bill's not home so I pop into the old flat and Gig Ryan is living there. We talk and hang out and I feel weirdly welcome and comfortable. I find I can just talk normally and I have things to say. She tells me I'm doing much better than she was at the same age. I know my dad and stepmum are coming for the night - it's my dad's birthday - but I haven't actually made any arrangements yet. I thought we'd stay at Bill's but I haven't asked him yet. I think maybe if I can't get hold of him I'll ask Gig if we can crash there.

When they turn up they are drunk. My step-mum keep stuffing things into her mouth and swallowing them - not just food but anything. They are so strange that Gig is amused at first. But they are angry with me that I haven't made any arrangements. My dad says sarcastically 'thanks for the special day.' I try to explain that we will probably will stay with Bill. At one point I want to talk but there's a weird taste in my mouth. I spit and my saliva is red. I start to hook this substance out of my mouth. It's a head of flowers - the little red ones that look a bit like jasmine.

There's a kid around who is a bit disgusted. My stepmum keeps swallowing things and then throwing them up - paper, objects, anything around her. I keep pulling things out of her mouth so she doesn't choke. Gig looks at me and runs her hand across her neck, the 'kill it' sign. At first I think she might mean there's something wrong with my stepmum's neck so I look to check. She's in the middle of swallowing a plastic bag full of confetti and other things. I try to pull it away from her. They are angry at me. Gig wants us to get out too but I still haven't made any arrangements with Bill, who is not home.

goodbye Maurice Sendak.

sea-robin

My mother has gone, and left me here / My father has gone and left me here / I'm going to
weep like a willow / And mourn like a dove / O Lord, I cannot stay here by myself

ss scheming

1.

-  (prelude) theft at the cemetery under the bridge. grafton of the state, historical grafton.
the theft is senseless because the actors are indistinguishable.

- present orientation, intention: burial in the wild burial grounds (equator)

- the wound, unwrapping it. summer stairs (grafton)
- the sealed wound, sarcophagus plugging memory of force (plugging, removal) (memory time)
- force-sealed mouth (grafton)
- force-sealed mouth dead body (grafton)
- the cortege (journey to the burial grounds, equator)
- force, blame (transfer of weight), electrocution, death on the bridge (the opened memory, memory time)
- lust, forced death of lust (the closed memory)
- the single attendant, the burying weight (journey)
- celestial equatorial grafton, wild burial grounds - the seeding there.

2. The Book of Debt

-  (prelude) Knifebeaks in the (celestial) Impress oversee this debt

- the hole in the corpse's head opens way to the event horizon, in the (breathless) Great Lung
- debt the condition of birth. mother gravid in the hash-house.
- mother remembers in song a time of plenty - the eggs, the horse
- Knifebeaks oversee the journey of the indebted. Knifebeaks oversee the cutting away of the infant corpse.
- they make a wound. the wound produces.

3. Concurrent Nights

- (prelude) cave-time

- water glyphs, desert, sunlight
- flood devastated estate
- the hive, sunlight
- under-water life. sword-swallowing. caddis-fly ascent
- bubble, egg ascent
- a warm place under the surface
- the egg in the mouth

follow

- dreaming muscles. the sleeping string in the spine. (memory)

- present emptiness. scattering devils to corners and out windows (forgetting)

-trust for settled breath: constancy forms. week-long memory.

- balance for adornment; the freedom of the foot; the foot caresses the floor.

switch

- the camera at the shins; brain lateralization, soldiers, PTSD, attachment (memory presence)


lead 

- thinking a thought forward with firm arms (forwarding)

- apology and panic (struggle, forwarding)

- disassociation, heels, contact with the floor (memory)