coming home from the Junior College in a cab I see I can just follow my thoughts, make the "fields of sober lilies washing their hands", and windows, windoscopy, windoscope, endow, wend, winnow, minnow, blue nail parings snailing the windows, etc (but only the word 'etc' not the actual etc, just the impression of its possibility).

I think about the scene in the Wrath of Khan - or Flash Gordon - something about memories, please don't take my memories, it's taken my whole life to collect them - feeling shocked at this - is this what one has to do to be an adult? To do the work of collecting memories? Or one would be empty.

Thinking in the cab there is no empty, that's a lie, just look around, nothing's empty. And the memories won't disappear or get used up, just the big ones maybe will dissolve to reveal their components, or one will see the small ones in between them. Possibly the big ones are myths which inhibit memory, anyway. And language - there's no limit on that, either. The stream of possible combinations. Understanding it to be true but uneasy, it seems like a trick.

fields of sober lilies wash their hands

"If the fool would persist in his folly he would become wise." WB

"It is a body poetics. I am in the context of those before me who worshipped a goddess whose eyes were mirrors. One eye reflected the "inside," the other the gorgeous and dark phenomenal world. Take your pick. Both, both. She, the muse, puts an invisible protection cord around my neck to protect me from ego. She exceeds my aspiration to disappear."

Anne Waldman, The Iovis Trilogy

I'm on an ocean liner in a Bangkok river or bay. From the top deck of the ship we can see the whole city - it's gorgeous pink and black in the lit-up night - 'that's why it's called The Pink City', we say. We're in a swimming pool - me, my friend and her husband. I can tell that right now he is more interested in me. I wonder if we'll have sex - the two of us or all of us.

There's so much activity around the boat and on the lower decks. People are celebrating, there are fireworks. And there are small space shuttles, brilliantly lit, like LED kites, launching from the ship. They rocket up into the air, powering out in the night sky before they leave the atmosphere, crashing back down to the river. I think this might be the last of the earth's spare fuel. I think it's wondrous that we are using it like this.

I need a toilet. I go down into the ship's interior to look for one. it's empty in amongst the cabins, no people around. I find a sign for the toilets but once I enter I see it's really a luxury bath-house - disused and outdated but spacious and with many lovely spas, vanities, seating etc. I go to the toilet and think about bringing my friends down here - we could fill the spas up, bring champagne etc. As I leave I see a small creature running through the room - large cockroach or a mouse - as it runs away from me it takes flight.