went for a bike ride this late-afternoon and once I got round the corner I fell off it. I don't know how - just - suddenly out of control, had to propel myself over the front of the bike, landed on elbows, knees, solar plexus. glasses, phone, wallet, bike, bike lights all over the road, heaving for breath with the air ducts closed. crawled up the gutter off the road till breath returned, hauled stuff off the road, conscious the whole time about - was anything going to be run over? and was anybody watching? no one saw, though a couple who had seen me set off then came around the corner. she wavered, seeing me sitting on footpath with stuff, knew I had come off, I could see the pause even without glasses. I smiled, yes-I'm-perfectly-fine, picked up phone to call N.

now dazed, grazed and sore but had homemade minestrone for dinner and an icecream.

this afternoon I read through some letters S had lodged with me, I'm not sure why she did that and I didn't read them in her life. I remember once we went for a long beach walk and ended up walking around some treacherous high rocks - I think we were trapped by the tide. she was bold and I was a little wussy, without appropriate shoes. I ended up covered in mud from clinging to the ground as we went over and down. she was walking in front of me and at one point overbalanced towards the plummet down to the sea - caught herself, barely. there was nothing I could have done and she would have died. 'That would have been a comedy end, after everything' I said. that seemed flat, iron-tasting, unpleasant.