Dear Doctor,

I cannot have a baby. You know there is a programme now where they offer us a housing upgrade, and because we are both graduates and employed they give money for a wetnurse. So yes, the conditions are right and my husband is supportive. My supervisor has been encouraging me to attend the Growing Families meetings, and makes sure I have time off to do this. At the meetings the leader talks about work-life balance, and in the background there are slides of couples relaxing. In the break-out groups I try to relax with the other women, and I see they are trying to do the same. We participate in the games and the brainstorming on ways to celebrate family, but there are often silences in these discussions; I suppose people are shy.

Last week one of my Growing Families colleagues announced she was leaving the group because she and her husband had been successful. She is the first, and we celebrated with a song. It was to the tune of happy birthday, but they had new lyrics printed out for us to sing. Not everyone looked happy, but I am sure this will just be the first of many.

My husband and I keep a schedule, but nothing has happened inside me and nothing will. But how can I be ethical now? Must I tell my husband the true situation? My group leader? My supervisor? I am sure you appreciate the risks. Again, I appreciate your advice.