-the thing is the mind doesn't want a mandate, it doesn't want to gloss over things, it just wants to heal properly.

(said quick and quiet, no bombast, just slipping through)

- so we can take our time. and I think these things are connected. 

washing the dishes over in the wash block. David is drying. "so what's old Jimmy like, as a dad? is he a bit rough, is he?"

-what conclusion did you draw when he cut you off, stopped talking to you? 

that I was stupid, that I was annoying.

-but was he talking to you because you were appealing to him? 

///

- I mean, was he talking to you at your behest, because you were inviting him?

no, I couldn't even speak to him. I couldn't say anything at all. I thought it was weird just that he was even there, when had an adult ever come and done the dishes with me? 

-that's right. he was reaching out to you, rather than the other way round. 

but once he did, then I really liked it a lot. I think I probably wanted a lot of attention once he started to give it to me, and that may have been annoying. 

-so you asked him to play cards with you, to go for a walk. but it's hard for me to picture that you were annoying with that - it doesn't add up. you couldn't even talk to him at first. so maybe you asked him - but probably not ten times, not on and on, right? 

yeah. 

-and you were on holiday, he had done these things with you, it was a normal thing.
/
-I think you just asked him, that's all. 

//

-the only thing I can imagine might have been annoying was that he was asking things and you wouldn't speak to him. 

yeah. 

-but even then - I don't know what the answers to those questions could have been. here he is, a friend of your parents, and he's asking questions right into the heart of this crisis. what were you supposed to say? he could have just hung out with you, had fun together, like that, but instead he asked you things that didn't have any answers
....

-you were physically tired from the eye movements?

I was tired, and I was frustrated. (that it would never end, that one thing was just leading to another which would lead to the whole fabric unpulling, & then I'd be a pile of thread & his work done)

-you didn't need to be frustrated. you did very well, you went a long way. and you're nearly there.